This week I have had the opportunity to ponder on the role that patience plays in our lives. The reason that this has been on my mind, is because I had a rough night and day with my son. I can’t complain, because normally he is a great sleeper, but for some reason, on Sunday night, he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. I tried to let him cry it out, but he only seemed to get worse as time went by. I thought that something might be wrong, so I went in to check on him. I couldn’t find anything wrong, but just in case, I changed his diaper, fed him a bottle, and cuddled him for a little while. When I finally put him back down, he started screaming again. It took him another 10-15 minutes to fall back to sleep.
I finally went back to bed, knowing that I had to be up in a few hours to work. I was exhausted, and I hoped that my son would at least sleep in, since he was up for so long during the night. I had no such luck, and he woke up over an hour earlier than he normally does. It was looking like it was going to be a long day.
I knew that I might have a hard time dealing with him that day, since both of us were sleep deprived. I decided to pray that morning for extra patience and love for my son, because I knew I would struggle without it that day.
I was amazed how quickly the Lord answered my prayers. I was right, and my son had a very rough day. It seemed like he couldn’t do anything without having a meltdown. The blessing came not in helping my son to be happier, but in the way I perceived him as he was having these meltdowns. Instead of getting frustrated or annoyed, as I may have normally, I thought about how he must be feeling. I’m sure he didn’t want to be up in the middle of the night any more than I did. If I was tired and had a headache, I could only imagine how he was feeling. If I, knowing how to handle my emotions, felt a little grumpy, how could I expect him to know how to handle his emotions?
Each time I felt annoyed or frustrated that day, I did my best to see my son through this lens. I was by no means perfect, but I was surprised how much easier it was for me to have more patience when I took the time to try to understand how he may be feeling. Along with this effort to understand my son, I also felt more love for him in a moment when it normally would have been harder to feel that love.
What is Patience?
In the time following this experience, I have thought more about patience. How often does the Lord need to have patience with us? How many times has he looked down on me and said, today may be a hard one, but I understand you and I’ll love you through it. I’m sure that I have benefited from this love and patience more times that I even know, and I am grateful for that.
As I have thought about the need to strive for and develop patience in my life, I have studied more deeply on what patience is and how I can seek it each day. I know that as we strive to develop patience, with the help of God, we will be able to strengthen both our relationship with those around us, as well as our relationship with the Savior.
First, we need to answer the question, what is patience? One of my favorite examples comes in a conference talk from Elder Uchtdorf. Here is a video that has a visual representation of this example. He talks about an experiment where they gave a group of 4-year-old children a marshmallow. They could eat it, but if they waited 15 minutes, they would be given two marshmallows. In this experiment, only 30% of the children were able to wait the 15 minutes. This study eventually found that the ability to wait was a key character trait that predicted later success in life.
Why is this so? Why is the ability to wait important to our mortal and eternal progression and growth? Also in Elder Uchdorf’s talk, he describes patience as “the ability to put our desires on hold for a time.” There us so much that we can learn from putting our desires on hold, and seeking the desires of the Lord. The Lord’s desires may or may not align with ours, but as we seek to know and understand what the Lord desires of us, we go through a “purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.”
Elder Uchtdorf also teaches that patience is not just waiting, but requires persistent effort. He teaches that, “Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”
Seek The Lord As We Grow and Help Others
According to preach my gospel, “Patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious. It is the ability to do God’s will and accept His timing… You need patience in your everyday experiences and relationships… You must be patient with all people, yourself included, as you work to overcome faults and weaknesses.” To me, this means that patience is having faith that whatever you are going through is according to God’s will. As such, we must choose to be happy as we endure our struggles. It also means that we must understand that everyone else is going through their own struggles. Those around you may need your help, or they may need some space as they learn to accept God’s will and timing. If someone around you is currently struggling or learning to endure with patience, make sure they know that they can count on you for whatever kind of love and support they may need right now.
As we go through our own journey, and as we strive to help others in their own journeys, we must seek, as Elder Uchtdorf taught us, to endure well. I think that enduring well goes hand in hand with choosing happiness, which is the reason I started this blog in the first place. Life is not easy, and will never be easy. But, as we actively seek out the Savior and exercise faith in Him, we can be happy despite our struggles. We can choose to keep going even when times are hard. We can choose to endure well. If we do this, we will always be blessed. We may not see these blessings right away, but as we look back on the things that we have gone through, we can always see the Lord’s hand in our lives.